tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-46662320453595992632024-02-19T10:38:15.656+08:00tentang sebuah kehidupan, harapan dan cita- cita....thing would not always goes your way.. it never had been. however sometimes, if we take a closer look at how thing works for us, it feel just like magic.. sad, happy, excited an overwhelming would always drive us to suvivorshop.. peace.angel_blisterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13090912375811241975noreply@blogger.comBlogger115125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4666232045359599263.post-79833833521856504732010-05-29T07:21:00.000+08:002010-05-29T07:22:24.720+08:00I bet all I had on a thing called love<br />I guess in the end, it wasn't enoughangel_blisterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13090912375811241975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4666232045359599263.post-46653651740297938432010-05-21T07:05:00.002+08:002010-05-21T07:06:04.505+08:00its been sometimes since i write anything in my blog.. maybe i'll start agai soon... with a new theme maybe..angel_blisterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13090912375811241975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4666232045359599263.post-76584459503176584242010-01-02T04:42:00.002+08:002010-01-02T04:54:42.156+08:00new year and me..a new year comes again. people been asking what is your new year resolution? well, i got non. i just want to do what i'm doin now better. thats all.. finish all my "walk away" class as soon as possible and go on to the new semester. finding an apartment is harder than it seems. till today i'm still searching for a perfect one. another thing, finding a good housemate is the hardest thing. they tell you that they're in, then the next minute, they're just pull back. <br /><br />this is my first new year in a foreign land. far away from home. far away from everything that is familiar to me. but i lived my life to the fullest. love my partner as much as i can and be a bad boy at the same time.<br /><br />i'm trying my best to change myself now that my partner's is around. i try to shut off the other person from my life in a hope that the person would understand.<br /><br />winter is long and hard. even though i'm used to the extreme cold weather, the feeling of craving for the hot sun plays in me all the time. <br /><br />whatever life has to offer me this year, i know i'll will live through it.angel_blisterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13090912375811241975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4666232045359599263.post-74894333243659325652009-11-24T06:01:00.003+08:002009-11-24T06:11:12.254+08:00looking back, laying lowwhen i look back at how i've been acting, how i tried to get all the popularity and attention, i realised all i wanna do is trying to change what the world of me right now. i wanna grow up to be powerful. i want people to respect me. i want to know there is more of me even when i got nothing else to offer.. <br /><br />till now, when i look around me, its better for me to remain low. i had choosen the wrong path to begin with. stories of me being wild and beyond control have been running around for a while now. most of the time i just wanna ignore it and say "what the hell, so what. let it be lah. it doesnt matter". but i realize that the story will never end. never shall it stop till i retreat back to base 1 and start the way all the "junior" student should.. <br /><br />till the end, i just wanna be me. but till then i guess i just need to lay low. smile and hai to everyone. cause nothing i had is truly mine.angel_blisterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13090912375811241975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4666232045359599263.post-29304372068571875802009-11-17T08:52:00.003+08:002009-11-17T09:01:23.050+08:00trying to understand the drama...as i'm writing this, the my world is turning white.. the snows starts to cover the earth slowly everything turns in to nothing but plain white color. today had been a stressful day for me. i started the day late. but still its was a tiring one. the nights a getting longer. my dreams are getting shorter. i miss home so much. i just feel like goin home this winter holiday. but its too expensive. so i just let it be. <br /><br />the dilemma of being in love while your not is hard enough for me. i wanted you last time but you rejected me. and now you starts to give signals of wanting me back with you. living those days again but a little closer then before. i dont understand why it should b like this. as i moved away from you, i also found somebody else to fill up the space that you had left empty. i'm not sure how the person and what am i to the person. but the person always says that i'm special. a kiss on the forehead and the person will be dancing to joy..<br /><br />i miss u, i miss home...angel_blisterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13090912375811241975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4666232045359599263.post-47171679706050673102009-11-09T09:14:00.000+08:002009-11-09T09:15:40.694+08:00i just love the way life works....with lost and regrets, comes joy and love....angel_blisterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13090912375811241975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4666232045359599263.post-89469363676235147882009-11-07T22:32:00.002+08:002009-11-07T22:43:40.581+08:00confession for today...ok, here it is... my confession of the day. today i didn't go to organic class because i hate the teacher and i had this thing about the environment of the organic chemistry's lab.. <br /><br />i'm desperate.. sooo desperate. i'm waiting for the call.. a call that i should receive earlier today. i hate that person so much... its suppose to be our date today. we're suppose to have dinner together today.. <br /><br />things that he said, sticks on my mind. can't take it off my head no matter how i try to.<br /><br />the days a getting boring. its getting dark real fast here.. <br /><br />i miss home.. i wanna go home...angel_blisterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13090912375811241975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4666232045359599263.post-32649809636066687162009-11-07T08:50:00.002+08:002009-11-07T08:54:46.127+08:00living in secrecy...i just can't live in secrecy with you... i want you but i can't lets myself wasted again on you.. you want time, but time is limited for me... so the question for you is to be or not to be... i'm not forcing you, nor am i rushing you into this. but its the time and the strong emotional standing that i don't have... i love you.. i do.. that's my answer for you. and that answers everything...angel_blisterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13090912375811241975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4666232045359599263.post-83570274248653527372009-11-03T06:57:00.002+08:002009-11-03T07:03:52.892+08:00what a surprise!!well, its officially my birthday... i really thought that non of my friends really care about my birthday.. moreover we got double test on anatomy and medical biology..<br /><br />so, the person that came.. along with the best home made chocolate banana cake... i was sooo surprise.. i was goin to the wash room when someone knock the door.. i had this thing about people knocking doors over n over again. so i shouted n open the door.. n there they were.. n there the person is.. with a cake.. it was just perfect.. just great.. loving every moment of it..<br /><br />then after all was ended, apparently my group mates had they plan as well.. the also bought a cake.. n the second surprise again... totally unexpected.... <br /><br />how i wish that i could share all this joy with everyone that i love... <br /><br />happy birthday to me...angel_blisterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13090912375811241975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4666232045359599263.post-42023015249327761182009-11-02T05:53:00.001+08:002009-11-02T05:53:58.181+08:00Life of RumiReason is powerless in the expression of Love. Love alone is capable of revealing the truth of Love and being a Lover. The way of our prophets is the way of Truth. If you want to live, die in Love; die in Love if you want to remain alive.<br /><br />-jallidin rumi-angel_blisterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13090912375811241975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4666232045359599263.post-42320128472991368232009-10-30T07:29:00.002+08:002009-10-30T07:38:47.612+08:00getting old real fast...i'm celebrating my birthday in a few days time... i just can't believe that i'm this old this fast.. to me, i'm still that little kid that need all the attention he could get.. over the years i loved, i fall, i cried and i woke up once again so that i could go on with what life has for me.. <br /><br />today i'm in medical school.. running through the busy days in order to fulfill my dream to become a doctor.. well lets hope i will made it through without much trouble..<br /><br />i'm missing my family. missing home. winter is approaching real soon. it cold and the days are sad. as i go to class in the evening, i can see the sun set before me. in those rain, the scene was beautiful... how can 1 color be so beautiful... the orange of the sun sets...<br /><br />it'll be another year before i'm goin back home.. missing every second of my life there... and i'm looking forward for it...<br /><br />loving and missing you.... home..angel_blisterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13090912375811241975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4666232045359599263.post-23110825747606706582009-10-25T23:00:00.002+08:002009-10-25T23:08:03.184+08:00to be this is not normal...sometimes i just wanna be what i truly am... <br />i envy all those people that others called slut because they're so comfortable with themselves.<br />i wish they is no differentiation when i comes to sex.<br />i wish i was 20 years old.<br /><br />but the world won't accept all of those wishes.<br />people talk and loves to add twist to the stories they heard.<br />ever since i step out i can't define normal any more.<br /><br />i don't hate you.<br />i just want you to be with me.<br />so sleep and hug me in those lonely nights.<br />but we're never meant to be together.<br /><br />so i let you go.<br />free you from me.<br />no more kisses.<br />no more hugs.<br />just memories of you and me.<br /><br />p/s: i if only you can see this....angel_blisterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13090912375811241975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4666232045359599263.post-53411590642873937262009-10-24T23:47:00.000+08:002009-10-24T23:48:51.228+08:00over u?and so you told me... i'm officially trying to get over you mode...... asystole..angel_blisterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13090912375811241975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4666232045359599263.post-65459663968324827742009-10-22T06:51:00.003+08:002009-10-22T07:02:57.266+08:00making myself go through hell..sitting here listening to heart broken songs and smoking ciggarette just to makes time pass seem pathetic and totally out of hand. but hey, this is all you can do to release all the emotion that gone stuck int the memory of my brain. i let myself lost in your arms. letting myself naked and fragile at the same time. and now i that you're gone i was left with nothing but my pride and enough clothing just to cover my naked body. you walk away as if nothing ever happens between you and me. but i won't b angry nor will i ever judge your decision as to why you did all this. we want happiness and you didn't find it in me. <br /><br />so i let myself exposed to the outer world. letting them know all my shame, all that was me. but i know, in time i will regain all that i've lost to you. its painful, its hard. but there is no gain without losing something. and i know the next time i'll be better and stronger then i was before i met you.<br /><br />p:s; 1 thing remains strong in my memories, your kiss..angel_blisterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13090912375811241975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4666232045359599263.post-2132989762746155602009-10-21T00:57:00.002+08:002009-10-21T00:59:29.560+08:00Torn- natalie ImbrugliaIf there is anywhere that i could represent my feelings rite now, it would be in the lyrics of this song... <br /><br />I thought I saw a man brought to life<br />He was warm, he came around like he was dignified<br />He showed me what it was to cry<br />Well you couldnt be that man I adored<br />You dont seem to know, dont seem to care what your heart is for<br />But I dont know him anymore<br />Theres nothing where he used to lie<br />My conversation has run dry<br />Thats whats going on, nothings fine Im torn<br /><br />Im all out of faith, this is how I feel<br />Im cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor<br />Illusion never changed into something real<br />Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn<br />Youre a little late, Im already torn<br /><br />So I guess the fortune tellers right<br />Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light<br />To crawl beneath my veins and now<br />I dont care, I have no luck, I dont miss it all that much<br />Theres just so many things that I cant touch, Im torn<br /><br />Im all out of faith, this is how I feel<br />Im cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor<br />Illusion never changed into something real<br />Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn<br />Youre a little late, Im already torn. torn.<br /><br />Theres nothing where he used to lie<br />My inspiration has run dry<br />Thats whats going on, nothings right, Im torn<br /><br />Im all out of faith, this is how I feel<br />Im cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor<br />Illusion never changed into something real<br />Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn<br />Im all out of faith, this is how I feel<br />Im cold and Im ashamed bound and broken on the floor<br />Youre a little late, Im already tornangel_blisterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13090912375811241975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4666232045359599263.post-7688191522149155402009-10-20T04:04:00.002+08:002009-10-20T04:09:17.583+08:00and so i was, and so i know..i was in love.. i thought i did.. for the moment everything was perfect, everything was right. never i thought that you're just wanna have it done and go. now all that i left is just those euphoric sensation of being in love and be loved. you smell still linger all over my body. memories of us just keep on repeating itself as i saw you walk by everyday.. <br /><br />and so now i know.. i regret it and i do not regret it...<br /><br />missing u always..angel_blisterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13090912375811241975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4666232045359599263.post-15080725312674257292009-10-19T01:38:00.000+08:002009-10-19T01:39:08.846+08:00and so it was..........angel_blisterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13090912375811241975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4666232045359599263.post-81625155659013865942009-10-15T06:12:00.002+08:002009-10-15T06:31:55.416+08:00i was just too tired...its been more then a month now since i started my second semester here in kursk. they've been up and downs and somehow i manage to pass all of them. taking myself higher then before. still the intense 12 hours of non stop of class is starting to take their toll on me. today i saw myself in the mirror, and for the first time i saw how ugly i look. my eye bags makes my eyes look as if they gonna pop out any moment. i can't see any sparkle in my face. i look like i was just run down by a really old ugly mercedes lorry.<br /><br />during this time also, i feel like myself trap between reality and what is opposite to it. all those emotion and is draining me fast. sucking out all my energy like a little boy sucking up a glass of cold orange juice during summer... zoooooop!! just like that.<br /><br />the song O Re Piya- Rahat ali khan keep on playing inside my head over and over again. i repeat the song in my mp3 until i'm tired of listening to it.. reason? i think i'm i love... with an indian... yet, the feeling i had was different. usually when you missed somebody, you feel happy, you feel energetic, you feel like you wanna live forever and life itself will never ends. but thing are not like that for me. i missed this person so much. but its killing me.. slowly.. sucking all of me.<br /><br />so to take all this feeling off, i watch Grey's anatomy.. which makes it worse because the theme was "what would do it this was your last time on earth?" i watched 2 episodes. on the second episode i stop 5 minutes before it end and run down to the corner of my hostel, call my best friend, tell him to shut up and cry.. really hard..<br /><br />it was such a relief.. the burden were somehow lifted and gone.. well, most of it that is. but it was good.. really really good.<br /><br />i glad that i did that... and thank God for sending me an angel...angel_blisterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13090912375811241975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4666232045359599263.post-62450913515915029552009-10-07T05:10:00.003+08:002009-10-07T05:16:01.064+08:0012 thing as to why i'm so pissed off today....1. i'm angry<br /><br />2. i hate people whose a total hypocrite<br /><br />3. my friends is most of the time is a small kid..<br /><br />4. i have no love over my lover<br /><br />5. my best friend is somehow ignoring me in a way or another<br /><br />6. u r not talking to me<br /><br />7. yes you..<br /><br />8. i hate cigarettes<br /><br />9. i dress up all in black for sometimes now.<br /><br />10. black is all i have in my closet.<br /><br />11. i hate to cold weather so much!<br /><br />12. i wanna get drunk but i cant without throwing up.angel_blisterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13090912375811241975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4666232045359599263.post-16222076747427097122009-10-06T06:02:00.002+08:002009-10-06T06:20:48.191+08:00a letter for you...dear baby,<br /><br />abang nak baby mengerti yang abang tak pernah bencikan baby. abang mintak perpisahan ni atas sebab peribadi abang sendiri yang tak mampu menanggung semua ni. kekeliruan dalam diri yang tiada sudahnya.. <br /><br />i'm stupid because i let you go. the minute i let you go away from my life, i crave for the love and attention that you had given to me. your love is pure. more than i could ask for. more then what i could dream of. so i try to find all of those things in someone else. a new love.. a new hope.. <br /><br />maybe its true, once you get the taste of perfection, comparison are easily made. and once again i'm wrong for comparing my new love with you.<br /><br />terlalu kalut untuk abang jelaskan semua dalam kata- kata. diri abang sekarang hanyalah seorang insan yang sepi dahagakan kasih seorang insan yang pernah dia tinggalkan dahulu. <br /><br />hari itu ku dapat tahu yang kau telah berjumpa dengan teman baru. seorang insan yang bakal mengisi kekosongan dan mengubati semua duka yang telah ku berikan pada mu. jauh dihati ku, aku kecewa. namun aku tahu aku harus pasrah dengan semua itu. demi kebahagian mu, aku rela.<br /><br />malam ini aku tidur dalam kedinginan malam di negeri orang. tempat ku membentuk masa depan ku, tempat ku lari dari semua kedukaan dan luka yang aku sendiri lakukan. dalam tak sedar, airmata ku mengalir bersama meratapi diri ku ini, yang masih tercari- cari bayangan mu.<br /><br />deep down, i still love you... till the end of time... you'll always be my ultimate love...angel_blisterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13090912375811241975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4666232045359599263.post-15663259529371424412009-09-25T07:28:00.005+08:002009-09-25T07:38:01.228+08:00to be the good in all that is bad...its really hard to be a good person. to arrange your life and follow all that is good like not to smoke and not to get drunk and drown your system every week with alcohol. still i'm managing myself through all this. its hard to be good i know. i also know that nobody is perfect. that includes me. my mouth speaks the word of evil. but my heart just wants the best and the good. <br /><br />i know sooner or later i would start smoking again. and i know that tomorrow i the chances of me getting drunk and all drown up in alcohol is there. its hard when everyone around you doing all this and only you trying your best not to stray along in all that..angel_blisterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13090912375811241975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4666232045359599263.post-38627484346905915992009-09-22T05:12:00.003+08:002009-09-22T05:25:25.585+08:00the life and the love..........<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://orangemood.files.wordpress.com/2007/04/love.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 506px; height: 337px;" src="http://orangemood.files.wordpress.com/2007/04/love.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />its hari raya and that means i've been here for more then 2 weeks already.. times gose so slow here. i feel like i've been here for almost 2 months already. the days are boring with class flooding down and flushing away my private time. starts my day everyday at 7.30am and end at 7pm.. other times is used mainly for studies and cooking+ eating.. stress is beyond comprehension. sometimes i just feel like throwing up with all the stress build up. still i manage to control myself , keeping myself together every minute. i miss home but not as much as when i first get here. it is much more tolerable now. i try not to smoke and resist alcohol as often as possible. my friends are great. we are much open and relax with each others companion even though our timetable is very much reserve for going to class. <br /><br />i miss my lover so much. however i feel that everything is to perfect. no fights no arguing. no jealous feeling or what so ever. he trust me and i trust my lover.. <br />i'm scared that i would not be able to "menanggung sebuah cinta yang sempurna"....<br />that tommorow i would just vanish in this love that i'm in....angel_blisterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13090912375811241975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4666232045359599263.post-8330228820899617412009-09-20T21:58:00.001+08:002009-09-20T22:00:40.311+08:00raya yang sepi...raya tahun ni yang paling sepi.... as if it had never happen.. still its there infront of you.. i guess if there never were eid- mubarak, this same feeling will linger in everyone's heart.........angel_blisterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13090912375811241975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4666232045359599263.post-70898977261657599162009-09-15T04:29:00.001+08:002009-09-15T04:31:03.052+08:0024 hoursstarting your day at 7.30 in the morning just to go to class and only finishing at 7 p.m in the evening is the worse thing that could happen when you only have 24 hours a day..angel_blisterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13090912375811241975noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4666232045359599263.post-64253627140893688582009-09-12T18:01:00.001+08:002009-09-12T18:01:36.624+08:00pagi- pagi buta dah kena marah cikgu....angel_blisterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13090912375811241975noreply@blogger.com0