looking back, laying low

when i look back at how i've been acting, how i tried to get all the popularity and attention, i realised all i wanna do is trying to change what the world of me right now. i wanna grow up to be powerful. i want people to respect me. i want to know there is more of me even when i got nothing else to offer..

till now, when i look around me, its better for me to remain low. i had choosen the wrong path to begin with. stories of me being wild and beyond control have been running around for a while now. most of the time i just wanna ignore it and say "what the hell, so what. let it be lah. it doesnt matter". but i realize that the story will never end. never shall it stop till i retreat back to base 1 and start the way all the "junior" student should..

till the end, i just wanna be me. but till then i guess i just need to lay low. smile and hai to everyone. cause nothing i had is truly mine.

trying to understand the drama...

as i'm writing this, the my world is turning white.. the snows starts to cover the earth slowly everything turns in to nothing but plain white color. today had been a stressful day for me. i started the day late. but still its was a tiring one. the nights a getting longer. my dreams are getting shorter. i miss home so much. i just feel like goin home this winter holiday. but its too expensive. so i just let it be.

the dilemma of being in love while your not is hard enough for me. i wanted you last time but you rejected me. and now you starts to give signals of wanting me back with you. living those days again but a little closer then before. i dont understand why it should b like this. as i moved away from you, i also found somebody else to fill up the space that you had left empty. i'm not sure how the person and what am i to the person. but the person always says that i'm special. a kiss on the forehead and the person will be dancing to joy..

i miss u, i miss home...

i just love the way life works....

with lost and regrets, comes joy and love....

confession for today...

ok, here it is... my confession of the day. today i didn't go to organic class because i hate the teacher and i had this thing about the environment of the organic chemistry's lab..

i'm desperate.. sooo desperate. i'm waiting for the call.. a call that i should receive earlier today. i hate that person so much... its suppose to be our date today. we're suppose to have dinner together today..

things that he said, sticks on my mind. can't take it off my head no matter how i try to.

the days a getting boring. its getting dark real fast here..

i miss home.. i wanna go home...

living in secrecy...

i just can't live in secrecy with you... i want you but i can't lets myself wasted again on you.. you want time, but time is limited for me... so the question for you is to be or not to be... i'm not forcing you, nor am i rushing you into this. but its the time and the strong emotional standing that i don't have... i love you.. i do.. that's my answer for you. and that answers everything...

what a surprise!!

well, its officially my birthday... i really thought that non of my friends really care about my birthday.. moreover we got double test on anatomy and medical biology..

so, the person that came.. along with the best home made chocolate banana cake... i was sooo surprise.. i was goin to the wash room when someone knock the door.. i had this thing about people knocking doors over n over again. so i shouted n open the door.. n there they were.. n there the person is.. with a cake.. it was just perfect.. just great.. loving every moment of it..

then after all was ended, apparently my group mates had they plan as well.. the also bought a cake.. n the second surprise again... totally unexpected....

how i wish that i could share all this joy with everyone that i love...

happy birthday to me...

Life of Rumi

Reason is powerless in the expression of Love. Love alone is capable of revealing the truth of Love and being a Lover. The way of our prophets is the way of Truth. If you want to live, die in Love; die in Love if you want to remain alive.

-jallidin rumi-