the life, the love, the time....

its weekend and i got nothing good to do other then lying down on my bed waiting for the days to goes by. im missing everyone back in malaysia. life here just dont suits me no matter how hard i try. i missed my internet setup day last night. so till the guy come on her next visit, i wont have any internet connection. thank god my friends are a bit understanding with what im goin through right now n in makes my life here easier. so much so, i feel that im losing myself in this love that im in. i didnt say "i love u" tho my lover for few days now.. the 3 words doesnt taste as sweet as i was before. peduli lah.. that what i say when this comes to mind. i sometimes just wanna let all this love go. get a new start in life and find a lover once im truly ready. its my nature that i need to have something that is real and always near me. a person that i can touch and be with anytime of the day. distance is to much for me. to make it more complicated, the time span im here in russia is damn long. 6 years is not a short time. its a long process of maturing and it cahnges people in every way possible. and i hope one day, everyone that i leave behind in malaysia would accept all the changes in me. i cant me anybod else other then me... love u all.. miss u all...