as feelings and emotion plays around with for being far away from my lover, a different thing comes around as well.. on that day my navy brother came.. it was a meeting that was suppose to be a memorable one, and apparently it did.. but with a bad twist on it.
things were goin well when he follows me around for my winter clothing shopping along with my family.. then the nights came and we went out.. planning to have a drink and shisha. instead i ask him to bring me to the most happening club in town.. things got ugly when we reach there.. there was a bit of a problem of getting in the club (something that i never faced when i went clubbing in kl). so he call some friends and apparently they were there all along.. knowing that i his friends would be around, i was not that comfortable. moreover, i just wanna spent my time with only just before i leave for russia.
to make things short, he choose to be with his friends rather then me. so that night i when to the place that we're suppose to have shisha. i drank alot and by 1.oo am i am officially drunk for the very first time after 2 years of being a social drinker.. i thought he would come back with me the the hotel where the whole family was. like it always had been. instead he when back to the ship..
i was soo furious and dissapointed... i went back trying to appear sober infront of my parents and straight to bed. the next day was the most painful for me.. he didnt call or sms of whatever. i cried hard right after my shower.. its been so long since the last time i've cried that i forgot how bad it feel.. and how relieve it was.
i sms him and think about the whole thing over again.. that morning i made myself believe that i should let him go. i told him about it and he begged me to forgive him. but i was stubburn and my heart was so full of dissapointment and anger. he call, but i never pick up the phone...
that nite, its like the climax of everything. i told him about how i feel when he leave and how he choose his friends over me, his brother. for the whole day i've been using 'aku- ko", 'u- i', 'awak'. but that night i feel like it was my breaking point and i guess God wants my relationship with him to be back to where it was supposed to be. it turn out he was down with the way i sms him. thats why he choose to go back to the ship.
and through that point and on, slowly my cold and hurt heart melts.. forgiveness was the only words that makes the text of my message to him. he call and for the second time i cried...
i told him the only thing that i want from him is to able to kiss and 'salam' his hand before i leave, and ask his blessing so that my journey there would be good. from the back ground, i know he cried as well and promise to make an effort to meet me again before he deploy for pakistan.
thanks abang... im so sorry..
P.S forgiveness is the best thing in the world... its hard to say it but its the most worth thing to go for.
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