its been more then a month now since i started my second semester here in kursk. they've been up and downs and somehow i manage to pass all of them. taking myself higher then before. still the intense 12 hours of non stop of class is starting to take their toll on me. today i saw myself in the mirror, and for the first time i saw how ugly i look. my eye bags makes my eyes look as if they gonna pop out any moment. i can't see any sparkle in my face. i look like i was just run down by a really old ugly mercedes lorry.
during this time also, i feel like myself trap between reality and what is opposite to it. all those emotion and is draining me fast. sucking out all my energy like a little boy sucking up a glass of cold orange juice during summer... zoooooop!! just like that.
the song O Re Piya- Rahat ali khan keep on playing inside my head over and over again. i repeat the song in my mp3 until i'm tired of listening to it.. reason? i think i'm i love... with an indian... yet, the feeling i had was different. usually when you missed somebody, you feel happy, you feel energetic, you feel like you wanna live forever and life itself will never ends. but thing are not like that for me. i missed this person so much. but its killing me.. slowly.. sucking all of me.
so to take all this feeling off, i watch Grey's anatomy.. which makes it worse because the theme was "what would do it this was your last time on earth?" i watched 2 episodes. on the second episode i stop 5 minutes before it end and run down to the corner of my hostel, call my best friend, tell him to shut up and cry.. really hard..
it was such a relief.. the burden were somehow lifted and gone.. well, most of it that is. but it was good.. really really good.
i glad that i did that... and thank God for sending me an angel...
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